One Good Turn Amplified

Writen by Kurt Mortensen

The adage "one good turn deserves another" seems to be a part of social conditioning in every culture. And, even beyond that, the maxim serves as an ethical code that does not necessarily need to be taught but nevertheless is understood. When someone smiles or gives a compliment, we tend to return the smile or compliment. Even when these gestures are unsolicited, we feel a sense of urgency to repay the person who has created the mental or psychological debt. In some cases, our need to repay this debt is so overwhelming that we end up dramatically exceeding the original favor.

People often conscientiously trigger feelings of indebtedness and obligation in others by carrying out an uninvited favor. Even if we don't want or ask for the gift, invitation, or compliment, we still feel the need to return the favor when we receive it. Merely being indebted, even in the slightest sense of the word, can create enough psychological discomfort (and sometimes even public embarrassment) that we go to extraordinary lengths to remove the burdensome obligation we feel. This is when we often disproportionately reward the original giver.

When my family moved to a new area, we gave a small Christmas gift to all our neighbors. I don't think the gifts cost more than five dollars each. We were new on the block and wanted to get to know our neighbors. About thirty minutes after hand-delivering the gifts to our new neighbors, the doorbell rang. There stood one of the neighbors with a large box of truffles in one hand--this box had to have been holding at least fifty dollars worth of chocolates. She said, "Welcome to the neighborhood, and Happy Holidays," and with that she was off and on her way. She couldn't cope with the sudden debt she felt toward my family so, to rid herself of her feelings of obligation, she gave back ten times more than she'd originally received. This is why many people buy extra holiday presents to have on hand just in case someone delivers a gift they did not count on.

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